Sunday, April 11, 2010

I am participating in the Beth Moore Study Believing God. We are on the 4th week. She is truly amazing. I just wanted to say that I feel like I am sifted like wheat - I could totally relate to what she was saying, and I am so glad that she talked about how she was not sinning when she was being sifted and that she was earnestly seeking God. I truly needed to hear what she had to say. I am glad to know that God only sifts people if he has to, and when he does that he is praying for us while we are being sifted. He only does this because of Pride, Victimization, and Impurity. I understand better, but I wish that I could have not been sifted.....It's hurts, it's scary, and it's lonely, and I miss Denton's presence with all of my heart.

There were a lot of things that I would have liked to have opened up about to night, but I just did not know how or if it was appropriate. I desperately need prayers and even more I need feedback, I need honesty, and opinions. I know many of you don't know what to say to Daniel and I, but I need feedback. I need honest encouragement - not to just to be joyful and happy, but to be useful to God. To be a good mother to Avery, and to accomplish whatever purpose I am still here for.

Daniel and I have been talking about how Denton's death should not define our lives, but it has definitely changed them.....

Denton's life had a purpose! Please, please, please help me to figure out how to use it.

I posted on facebook that I would like to develop some kind of care package for hospitals to give out to parents that have unexpectedly lost a child - it should include some way to preserve hand and footprints, a lock or hair, and/or casting, pictures, ect......Any ideas on how or where to purchase these items would be appreciated.

I am so thankful to Mandy for leading this Bible Study. I know that it is not something that you probably intended to do, but I truly appreciate what you do and are doing. I truly appreciate your friendship. You make a huge difference in my life, and in the lives of others.

Luke 22:31-32
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"Over the years I've discovered that there's more to being a cowgirl than punching cows, or winning rodeo trophies, or galloping off into a movie sunset with Roy. Cowgirl is an attitude, really. A pioneer spirit, a special American brand of courage. The cowgirl faces life head on, lives by her own lights, and makes no excuses. Cowgirls take stands. They speak up. They defend the things they hold dear. A cowgirl might be a rancher, or a barrel racer, or a bull rider, or an actress. But she's likely to be a checker at the local Winn Dixie, a full-time mother, a banker, an attorney, an astronaut."

- Dale Evans, The Cowgirl Companion