Revelations.....Dave Ramsey is my hero! Maybe it is just time for a change! On our way to Gatlinburg last week I somehow started listening to Dave Ramsey and I couldn't turn him off. I rarely listen to the radio, so maybe this was meant to be. The urge to follow his guidance was and is overwhelming.
Daniel and I are on the same page of paying off some debts and saving some money, so that it might be possible for me to stay at home with Addie and be more flexible to be at functions for Avery.
So, in the last three days we have started a budget, relieved our friend/housekeeper of her duties, cancelled my Melealuca Subscription, reduced my cell phone bill by 100 dollars per month, and tried to find people who will help support our goals.
I have read that having a support system in place is extremely important. I am somewhat excited and I feel almost liberated instead of stifled by the axes that are falling on my pleasures in life. Notice the above mentioned cuts to our budget are all "me" related.
One of my goals if our ultimate goal comes to fruition will be to continue to be productive and successful for our family and for my well being. So, I have been soul searching trying to figure out how I can add to our income. I love to write.....I have always wanted to be a journalist (why I didn't do that as a career I will never know......)
I am obviously not very dedicated to this blog, but in celebration of our liberation I will be posting at least twice a week. I hope that after three months of doing this I will be eligible to apply with Blogher. Ultimately this will allow me to write for the public and possible earn a little money. I also hope to document the life of my family in a more timely and dedicated manner.
I hope that you will follow us as we embark on this journey. Change is always scary, but hopefully this change will be fruitful for our family!
Here is a list of goals I/we hope to accomplish.....July 11, 2012 so here are 11 goals on the 11th
1. Save a pile of money and live on one and partial of one income!
2. Reduce our grocery and eating out budget (so far so good) I would like to document that this endeavor did not start out easily, because our power was off for too long and we lost everything in our fridge and freezer!! I guess it a fresh start!
3. Can and save foods in the next few months as garden produce is fresh and available. I thought our tomatoes were done form but after this rain they actually look good!
4. Develop my writing skills.
5. Be more dedicated to my blog and documentation of the joyous children in my life.
6. Get back in the saddle! I really want to get back in the horse industry. This was my passion, it will be good for Avery, and I need to do something for myself. I also hope that this might lead to some income for my family(I know I know this does not sound logical, because in the words of pinterest....."horse people spend thousands of dollars for a 98 cent ribbon"
7. Bake bread from my mamaw's bread starter, and not let the starter go bad!
8. Eat cleaner - meaning less processed foods.
9. Become more organized, obviously this list of goals could be more organized......its a start!
10. Increase my love and work for God and the church.....
11. Be a more attentive mother and wife.......
Showing posts with label Grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grief. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
There is an empty stall in my barn that no matter how many horses walk through it in the future - it will never be full again. "Mr. Muscles", No Cost To Invest - AQHA #2588257, passed away sometime on the night of January 14th. He was the greatest horse I have ever ridden; the greatest horse I will ever own. I have ridden some good ones, but Muscles could do it all. He was so smart, so talented, and so athletic. Oh, how I just wish you could scratch your head on me one last time..........
He could watch what was going on in an arena and figure out what he was supposed to do whether it was a showmanship class or a reining class. Many people witnessed this....whether it was a showmanship class with 36 entries where he waited for over an hour for the judge to turn in a score card and then decided he had to pee. Or the many times we watched a reining class warm up and he went in the class and out stopped every horse, without having practiced on good ground like all of the other "real reiners". He tolerated the crazy things I asked of him like standing cooperatively for more than two hours in Ft. Worth when I decided to tie in a fake mane so he would look like a real reiner.....He also frustrated me several times, but all three occasions taught me or someone else a lesson......The first time I showed him he cut off one of Lisa Brown's student's that was winning a BIG Hunter Under Saddle Class....Lesson learned it was just a horse show and there will always be another. The second time was when I rode him too much ( like ten hours without getting off) and he had to pee so bad that he couldn't change leads, which we had practiced 40,000 time in the ten hours previous....(Lesson learned- life is going to be full of losses) Needless to say somethings are just not meant to be.....I never was supposed to be the Congress Queen. The third disappointment ended up being a success.....In 1999 the first time I showed him in the Amatuer Versatility at the Congress he blew GREEN SNOT all over the judge's white coat, I said to her and laughed."I guess that got us some bonus points,"other than that it was the best showmanship pattern we ever did. We ended up placing 10th, but that judge placed us in the top five! Lesson learned - work through adversity.
(Please excuse my pronoun usage)
I won't forget finding some place to ride you on Christmas night after Dad and Matthew went to "secretly" pick you up......It was so cold, but I was so excited and glad that I pitched a fit and made Dad sell the truck he bought and get you instead!
I will never forget the time you spooked in the parking lot at the Dixie Nationals and knocked my feet out from under me and managed not to step on me as I slipped under your feet.
I won't forget the time Dad showed you and beat Karen Mundy in Showmanship at Dixie Nationals!!!!!!
I won't forget the many wins we had. I won't forget beating Benny Sargent in the Open Reining at the Big A.....
I won't forget the first time I ever rode you....trying you out at the Congress and someone across the pen full of hundreds of horses said "woa" and you locked it up and I about fell off.
I won't forget the time we went to a REAL REINING with the Hutton's and earned $18 in NRHA Money! I also won't forget almost falling off warming up the night before because you stopped so hard.
I will never forget the drive back from our escape from Oklahoma, no air conditioning and 110 degrees, and the flat tire we had on the trailer in the middle of rush hour in Nashville.
I will not forget the day after Denton died and I didn't know what else to do except to ride Mr. Muscles. I won't forget Susan coming to ride/"learn how to do reining" with me the fall after Denton passed to ease my mind and heartache. You were there to help me through the hardest times of my life..............
You taught so many people how to ride (really ride).....Me, Kendall, Kerri, Susan. You gave many first rides to people.
I won't ever forget......so many memories.
I love you Mr. Muscles, you were the source of great joy and successes in my life. I was very blessed to have you in my life!!!!!!! You had such a big heart! I KNOW GREAT HORSES WILL LIVE AGAIN......I will see you in heave
The last pictures taken of Muscles were taken on Denton's Angel Day, April 23, 2010....what a coincidence.......
These pictures are the last good ones I took of Muscles (4-23-10, Denton's Angel Day, and in November 2009 - Susan Shemwell - up)Mr.Ben Young was the last person to ride Muscles in October - I won't forget the smile on his face when he turned him around- I wish I had taken a picture that day. I have worn that smile many times.
I will post more pictures later......
You are going to be missed old friend!
Don't Cry For The Horses, by Brenda Riley-Seymore
Don't cry for the horses
That life has set free
A million white horses
Forever to be
Don't cry for the horses
Now in God's hands
As they dance and they prance
To a heavenly band
They were ours as a gift
But never to keep
As they close their eyes
Forever to sleep
Their spirits unbound
On silver wings they fly
A million white horses
Against the blue sky
Look up into heaven
You'll see them above
The horses we lost
The horses we loved
Manes and tails flowing
They Gallop through time
They were never yours
They were never mine
Don't cry for the horses
They will be back someday
When our time has come
They will show us the way
On silver wings they will lift us
To the warmth of the sun
When our life is over
And eternity has begun
We will jump the sun
And dance over the moon
A Ballet of horses and riders
on the winds
to a heavenly tune
Do you hear that soft nicker
Close to your ear?
Don't cry for the horses
Love the ones that are here
Don't cry for the horses
Lift up your sad eyes
Can't you see them
As they fly by?
A million white horses
Free from hunger and pain
Their spirits set free
Until we ride again
He could watch what was going on in an arena and figure out what he was supposed to do whether it was a showmanship class or a reining class. Many people witnessed this....whether it was a showmanship class with 36 entries where he waited for over an hour for the judge to turn in a score card and then decided he had to pee. Or the many times we watched a reining class warm up and he went in the class and out stopped every horse, without having practiced on good ground like all of the other "real reiners". He tolerated the crazy things I asked of him like standing cooperatively for more than two hours in Ft. Worth when I decided to tie in a fake mane so he would look like a real reiner.....He also frustrated me several times, but all three occasions taught me or someone else a lesson......The first time I showed him he cut off one of Lisa Brown's student's that was winning a BIG Hunter Under Saddle Class....Lesson learned it was just a horse show and there will always be another. The second time was when I rode him too much ( like ten hours without getting off) and he had to pee so bad that he couldn't change leads, which we had practiced 40,000 time in the ten hours previous....(Lesson learned- life is going to be full of losses) Needless to say somethings are just not meant to be.....I never was supposed to be the Congress Queen. The third disappointment ended up being a success.....In 1999 the first time I showed him in the Amatuer Versatility at the Congress he blew GREEN SNOT all over the judge's white coat, I said to her and laughed."I guess that got us some bonus points,"other than that it was the best showmanship pattern we ever did. We ended up placing 10th, but that judge placed us in the top five! Lesson learned - work through adversity.
(Please excuse my pronoun usage)
I won't forget finding some place to ride you on Christmas night after Dad and Matthew went to "secretly" pick you up......It was so cold, but I was so excited and glad that I pitched a fit and made Dad sell the truck he bought and get you instead!
I will never forget the time you spooked in the parking lot at the Dixie Nationals and knocked my feet out from under me and managed not to step on me as I slipped under your feet.
I won't forget the time Dad showed you and beat Karen Mundy in Showmanship at Dixie Nationals!!!!!!
I won't forget the many wins we had. I won't forget beating Benny Sargent in the Open Reining at the Big A.....
I won't forget the first time I ever rode you....trying you out at the Congress and someone across the pen full of hundreds of horses said "woa" and you locked it up and I about fell off.
I won't forget the time we went to a REAL REINING with the Hutton's and earned $18 in NRHA Money! I also won't forget almost falling off warming up the night before because you stopped so hard.
I will never forget the drive back from our escape from Oklahoma, no air conditioning and 110 degrees, and the flat tire we had on the trailer in the middle of rush hour in Nashville.
I will not forget the day after Denton died and I didn't know what else to do except to ride Mr. Muscles. I won't forget Susan coming to ride/"learn how to do reining" with me the fall after Denton passed to ease my mind and heartache. You were there to help me through the hardest times of my life..............
You taught so many people how to ride (really ride).....Me, Kendall, Kerri, Susan. You gave many first rides to people.
I won't ever forget......so many memories.
I love you Mr. Muscles, you were the source of great joy and successes in my life. I was very blessed to have you in my life!!!!!!! You had such a big heart! I KNOW GREAT HORSES WILL LIVE AGAIN......I will see you in heave
The last pictures taken of Muscles were taken on Denton's Angel Day, April 23, 2010....what a coincidence.......
These pictures are the last good ones I took of Muscles (4-23-10, Denton's Angel Day, and in November 2009 - Susan Shemwell - up)Mr.Ben Young was the last person to ride Muscles in October - I won't forget the smile on his face when he turned him around- I wish I had taken a picture that day. I have worn that smile many times.
I will post more pictures later......
You are going to be missed old friend!
Don't Cry For The Horses, by Brenda Riley-Seymore
Don't cry for the horses
That life has set free
A million white horses
Forever to be
Don't cry for the horses
Now in God's hands
As they dance and they prance
To a heavenly band
They were ours as a gift
But never to keep
As they close their eyes
Forever to sleep
Their spirits unbound
On silver wings they fly
A million white horses
Against the blue sky
Look up into heaven
You'll see them above
The horses we lost
The horses we loved
Manes and tails flowing
They Gallop through time
They were never yours
They were never mine
Don't cry for the horses
They will be back someday
When our time has come
They will show us the way
On silver wings they will lift us
To the warmth of the sun
When our life is over
And eternity has begun
We will jump the sun
And dance over the moon
A Ballet of horses and riders
on the winds
to a heavenly tune
Do you hear that soft nicker
Close to your ear?
Don't cry for the horses
Love the ones that are here
Don't cry for the horses
Lift up your sad eyes
Can't you see them
As they fly by?
A million white horses
Free from hunger and pain
Their spirits set free
Until we ride again
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
About The Title….
Grease ….
I can hear my Dad telling me to “use a little elbow grease” when I was first learning to brush my first horse (Sunset Lucky Joe).
I learned about elbow grease from my Mom who taught me to do things right (specifically class projects)
I learned about tractor grease from my husband……
Greasy little boys….hopefully there will be more in my future……
Grease has a multitude of meanings in my life. I have learned to appreciate it. Sometimes grease brings welcomed situations and at other times it makes situations very slippery. Grease has helped me to understand that there are just some things that you cannot control. Grease represents, hard work, letting love flow the way it is most beneficial to my family and me, and letting go when things don’t go the way I had planned…..
Grief….
I wish I did not know this one…..but we all will know it in one way or another, sooner or later. My grief as a bereaved mother has redefined my life. It is not what I would have chosen. If I could change the outcome somehow I would in a heartbeat. If there was something that I could go back in time and change I would. However, I have never and will never regret having Denton for those eleven weeks on earth. I will always feel that having Denton with us was the most precious eleven weeks of my life. Obviously, we don’t see the beautiful tapestry that god is creating for us in heaven, and we will never fully understand why horrible tragedies happen on earth. We only see the backside of the picture and become confused by the things that we don’t have answers to. Don’t think that as I write this I have figured out the “whys”, I am still searching……But I have to believe that God is in control. I question God on a daily basis. I am still very angry that God let Denton die, but I am beginning to accept the fact that God sees the bigger picture. I am reminded of the Helen Keller quote…..
“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”
Through my grief I have found that I have several choices. I can choose not to live, either literally or emotionally. Neither of which is an option….because of my precious Avery. I also have to make it for Denton. Option number three is to find some sort of happiness or satisfaction in each day. For a while, I wanted everybody to know how miserable I was, but I found that it didn’t really affect anyone but me….I think it is important to share honestly, because it could help someone else going through the same/similar situation.
Grace….
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
God willingly sent his son to die for our sins, so that we would have everlasting life. For that I am very thankful. I did not willingly give up my son, even if it was for my own good, and that fact has drastically changed my beliefs and reality. I thought that if I was good enough, worked hard, and was nice to people that good things would happen to me……Apparently I was wrong. That former belief allowed me to remain in control of my life.
I know for a fact that I did not do anything horrible enough for God to take Denton away for punishment. God does not work that way even if I had been a horrible person.
I am thankful that I don’t have to go the rest of my life thinking that I can control things…..that is a weight lifted off my shoulders……….
Grace is freely given….I don’t fully understand it, but I do know that it is something that you can’t earn.
God sent Denton to us for reasons that we may only know when we get to heaven and see him again.
I miss Denton every day. I will and have missed out on the joy that his life would have brought to ours. I have to deal with that loss everyday for the rest of mine…..But, I know that I can’t miss out on the other joys that are available on earth. I can still love Denton and celebrate his life, because of God’s grace.
Grease ….
I can hear my Dad telling me to “use a little elbow grease” when I was first learning to brush my first horse (Sunset Lucky Joe).
I learned about elbow grease from my Mom who taught me to do things right (specifically class projects)
I learned about tractor grease from my husband……
Greasy little boys….hopefully there will be more in my future……
Grease has a multitude of meanings in my life. I have learned to appreciate it. Sometimes grease brings welcomed situations and at other times it makes situations very slippery. Grease has helped me to understand that there are just some things that you cannot control. Grease represents, hard work, letting love flow the way it is most beneficial to my family and me, and letting go when things don’t go the way I had planned…..
Grief….
I wish I did not know this one…..but we all will know it in one way or another, sooner or later. My grief as a bereaved mother has redefined my life. It is not what I would have chosen. If I could change the outcome somehow I would in a heartbeat. If there was something that I could go back in time and change I would. However, I have never and will never regret having Denton for those eleven weeks on earth. I will always feel that having Denton with us was the most precious eleven weeks of my life. Obviously, we don’t see the beautiful tapestry that god is creating for us in heaven, and we will never fully understand why horrible tragedies happen on earth. We only see the backside of the picture and become confused by the things that we don’t have answers to. Don’t think that as I write this I have figured out the “whys”, I am still searching……But I have to believe that God is in control. I question God on a daily basis. I am still very angry that God let Denton die, but I am beginning to accept the fact that God sees the bigger picture. I am reminded of the Helen Keller quote…..
“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”
Through my grief I have found that I have several choices. I can choose not to live, either literally or emotionally. Neither of which is an option….because of my precious Avery. I also have to make it for Denton. Option number three is to find some sort of happiness or satisfaction in each day. For a while, I wanted everybody to know how miserable I was, but I found that it didn’t really affect anyone but me….I think it is important to share honestly, because it could help someone else going through the same/similar situation.
Grace….
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
God willingly sent his son to die for our sins, so that we would have everlasting life. For that I am very thankful. I did not willingly give up my son, even if it was for my own good, and that fact has drastically changed my beliefs and reality. I thought that if I was good enough, worked hard, and was nice to people that good things would happen to me……Apparently I was wrong. That former belief allowed me to remain in control of my life.
I know for a fact that I did not do anything horrible enough for God to take Denton away for punishment. God does not work that way even if I had been a horrible person.
I am thankful that I don’t have to go the rest of my life thinking that I can control things…..that is a weight lifted off my shoulders……….
Grace is freely given….I don’t fully understand it, but I do know that it is something that you can’t earn.
God sent Denton to us for reasons that we may only know when we get to heaven and see him again.
I miss Denton every day. I will and have missed out on the joy that his life would have brought to ours. I have to deal with that loss everyday for the rest of mine…..But, I know that I can’t miss out on the other joys that are available on earth. I can still love Denton and celebrate his life, because of God’s grace.
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