Axes and Liberation!

Revelations.....Dave Ramsey is my hero! Maybe it is just time for a change! On our way to Gatlinburg last week I somehow started listening to Dave Ramsey and I couldn't turn him off. I rarely listen to the radio, so maybe this was meant to be. The urge to follow his guidance was and is overwhelming.

Daniel and I are on the same page of paying off some debts and saving some money, so that it might be possible for me to stay at home with Addie and be more flexible to be at functions for Avery.

So, in the last three days we have started a budget, relieved our friend/housekeeper of her duties, cancelled my Melealuca Subscription, reduced my cell phone bill by 100 dollars per month, and tried to find people who will help support our goals.

I have read that having a support system in place is extremely important. I am somewhat excited and I feel almost liberated instead of stifled by the axes that are falling on my pleasures in life. Notice the above mentioned cuts to our budget are all "me" related.

One of my goals if our ultimate goal comes to fruition will be to continue to be productive and successful for our family and for my well being. So, I have been soul searching trying to figure out how I can add to our income. I love to write.....I have always wanted to be a journalist (why I didn't do that as a career I will never know......)

I am obviously not very dedicated to this blog, but in celebration of our liberation I will be posting at least twice a week. I hope that after three months of doing this I will be eligible to apply with Blogher. Ultimately this will allow me to write for the public and possible earn a little money. I also hope to document the life of my family in a more timely and dedicated manner.

I hope that you will follow us as we embark on this journey. Change is always scary, but hopefully this change will be fruitful for our family!

Here is a list of goals I/we hope to accomplish.....July 11, 2012 so here are 11 goals on the 11th
1. Save a pile of money and live on one and partial of one income!
2. Reduce our grocery and eating out budget (so far so good) I would like to document that this endeavor did not start out easily, because our power was off for too long and we lost everything in our fridge and freezer!! I guess it a fresh start!
3. Can and save foods in the next few months as garden produce is fresh and available. I thought our tomatoes were done form but after this rain they actually look good!
4. Develop my writing skills.
5. Be more dedicated to my blog and documentation of the joyous children in my life.
6. Get back in the saddle! I really want to get back in the horse industry. This was my passion, it will be good for Avery, and I need to do something for myself. I also hope that this might lead to some income for my family(I know I know this does not sound logical, because in the words of pinterest....."horse people spend thousands of dollars for a 98 cent ribbon"
7. Bake bread from my mamaw's bread starter, and not let the starter go bad!
8. Eat cleaner - meaning less processed foods.
9. Become more organized, obviously this list of goals could be more organized......its a start!
10. Increase my love and work for God and the church.....
11. Be a more attentive mother and wife.......

Answered Prayer, Gifts, Goals

Avery did really good through his surgery yesterday, his condition was pretty severe, but they are able to fix it. I am so grateful and relived that he is ok. However, he will have to have a second procedure in about six months. That is going to be really hard, because he will know what to expect! He is really confused and irritable today...Nothing is making him happy. Thankful that Daniel came home and made him take a nap. I feel so bad for Avery. I know that he is terribly uncomfortable.

Prayer Journal....
Answered pray #1 Avery is safe, and I had to have God with me yesterday, because I got really emotional, because Avery was so scared and upset. I was able to compose myself, and I am thankful that my prayer was answered.

#2
God, please help Avery to heal,help him try to accept we are trying to help him, and please help him to be happy! Thank you for my children and husband, family, and friends.Please be with Nannee!

Gifts....
11. Good Doctors
12. Sleep
13. Goals
14. Names...meaning....understanding
15. Farmers
16. Cheese
17. Snowstorms
18. Bay and Palomino Horses
19. Cameras
20. Soft blankets
21. Nannees and Poppees

Seed - Naming things....driving nails....will help change resentment into gratitude and may help me to accept the mystery of my life that was so life changing.

Water - I need to be intentional in trying to figure out what God wants me to do. Anything worth doing is hard and hard things take practice....I am going to practice and set some goals for myself...read something on another Baby Lost Mom's blog, http://holybfpbatman.blogspot.com/ , that said that change comes from inspiration or desperation. I have had my change from desperation, now I am going to try to make a change through inspiration.


Bloom - I am inspired to make some positive changes intentionally, and I understand it might not be easy. "If you think of this world as a place intended simply for happiness, you find it quite intolerable: think of it as a place of training and correction and it's not so bad." - CS Lewis.

Goal
1. Finish my list from my earlier posts. (Susan)
2. 31 Days to a better blog (Ok, I am putting myself out there.....I want to make some money by writing, so if anybody is out there reading this mess, and you have some connections to writing jobs please help....)"Anything hard takes practice, driving nails"......
3. 101 ways to get freelance work

Accountability, One Thousand Gifts

I need some serious motivation to be productive! I am so thankful to be able to stay home with Addie, but she is so beautiful all I do is hold her and stare at her. I need to be a little more productive and feel like I am in the real world.

Yesterday, two beautiful friends, Mandy and Margi and I, started One Thousand Gifts through the incourage book club www.incourage.me/2011/02/one-thousand-gifts-1.html. The book starts out with a very dark and poignant story about the loss of children, which hits very close to my heart. I know Mandy and Margi think that I probably knew this is how the book started, but I had not read that far. I just thought it was a book of gratitude.....Any how...this is my attempt at following and making concrete my list of 1,000 things I am thankful for.

1. Avery - his sweet caring soul....oh and how he smells so good - boredom leads to spraying moms perfume....a SWEET memory
2. Denton - my beautiful angel that brought only joy to my life.
3. Addie - my beautiful rainbow child - who brought joy back to our broken lives!
4. Daniel - the father of my beautiful children and our provider...
5. Friends - Mandy, Margi, and Katie - for putting up with my sad heart and trying to continue to cultivate a friendship despite my bitterness and lack of hope/belief So, I am going to try to fight my way back to hope......its hard to accept things we don't have answers to when they ARE so life changing.
6. Addie's soft long beautiful arm
7. The crazy little bump in her ear that I DID NOT put there, both ears have it.
8. Avery went from a 40 to 108 on his spelling test despite his "terrible tummy and headache"....way to improve little buddy!
9. Birds
10. Mamaws and Papaws

Now for my list of goals!
Today...
1. Take down the Christmas Tree
2. Love Avery and Addie
3. Make Avery is favorite supper bowtie pasta

Tomorrow
Have faith and know that everything will be ok with Avery and his procedure. Be calm and love Avery and Addie.

Wednesday and beyond.......
1. Take care of Avery and Addie
2. Farm Bureau Article
2b.DGB tax letters
3. Finish addressing and mailing Addie's Announcements
4. Thank you notes - Amanda Willmore, Aunt Karen, Susan, Virginia, Margi, Beverly, the Brown Ladies,Bang Bang
5. Write Leila
6. Unspoken - will report later if I have success....
7. DGB 5 K Planning - Check out Striders, would welcome help from anyone
8. Find a traveling partner for Peacock Strides for SIDS
9. Call Stephanie, Tiny Handprints
10. Finish Crossstich for Denton and Avery
11. Start Crossstich for Addie
12. Make Addie a dress
13. Exercise - this should be higher on my to do list
14. Prayer journal, to record the answers to my prayers......answered or not....have gratitude and not resentment.
15. Work with Zip and take Avery to a horse show

I just needed to make a list for myself...Need to see that I am accomplishing some things.

So thankful for my three children, husband, and friends.

My feelings may not be seen on the outside, but I am thankful and blessed, I do feel gratitude for my MANY BLESSINGS, and I will strive to find grace even in situations that I would not have chosen, or that I would have changed the outcome of. STRIVE, STRIVE, STRIVE

Please keep Avery in your prayers tomorrow. Please also pray that Addie does not get sick, we have no choice other than to take her with us. So many things are the same as when Denton was born....Avery had his tonsils out when Denton was about eight weeks old. It is hard to face the possibility that something could happen to your child, and I know too well that things can. I am struggling with faith, so please lift us up in prayer.

God please keep Avery safe tomorrow, and give me strength to be calm and love Avery through this! (Prayer journal entry #1)