To my mom Friends with angels......."I'd like to remind you that Jesus Christ wept," says Dr. Erwin Lutzer. "I'd like to remind you that it says in the New Testament that when Stephen died, they took him to his burial and great lamentation was made over him.

"It's okay to grieve. There are those who do not grieve, and later on it begins to catch up with them. So you go through that process as long as you understand that it is a process of transition and healing."

Please pray for Daniel, Avery, and me. Daniel and I are going to flyin to Tulsa, Oklahoma for the National YF&R Leadership Conference. We are leaving Friday morning and Flying back on Tuesday. This is the first time both of us have "really left" Avery. We are both really nervous about flying. We have even contimplated just driving out there. I guess we will just have to know that God is in control and will take care of Avery as well as us. I admit that it's hard to say that....his ways are higher than our ways!

Grease

Sunset Lucky Joe......take care of my Little Buckaroo, Denton, up in heaven. I miss you both.

The second picture is of my daddy and me in Colorado 1997 or 1998 on one of the last trips we took before my parents divorced. I love you Daddy, thanks for pushing me to be a hard worker, and for teacing me to perservere.

Nancy Brown, Mamaw, and my Mom. Three of my biggest supporters.

Nancy is in heaven looking out for us, doting on Denton, and taking care of other things that need to be taken care of.....We miss you and truly appreciate that you shared your love and taught us to do the same. Happy Birthday to your baby girl, Jami.

Mom, thanks for teaching me to love, do things right, question things, be well rounded, and to dress properly! I love you. Thanks for being a great Gigi!

Mamaw, thanks for helping me be tough, proud, and loving. I love you.

Many other people have added grease to my life......I love you all.
Papaw, thanks for teaching me to be faithful and look at things from God's perspective. Your a good man! I love you.

Jami, you are not in one of these pictures, but you too applied a lot of grease in my life. We had our good and bad times, but your friendship and the opportunity to know you has truly made me a better person. I love you.....Happy Birthday!

About The Title….

Grease ….
I can hear my Dad telling me to “use a little elbow grease” when I was first learning to brush my first horse (Sunset Lucky Joe).
I learned about elbow grease from my Mom who taught me to do things right (specifically class projects)

I learned about tractor grease from my husband……

Greasy little boys….hopefully there will be more in my future……
Grease has a multitude of meanings in my life. I have learned to appreciate it. Sometimes grease brings welcomed situations and at other times it makes situations very slippery. Grease has helped me to understand that there are just some things that you cannot control. Grease represents, hard work, letting love flow the way it is most beneficial to my family and me, and letting go when things don’t go the way I had planned…..

Grief….
I wish I did not know this one…..but we all will know it in one way or another, sooner or later. My grief as a bereaved mother has redefined my life. It is not what I would have chosen. If I could change the outcome somehow I would in a heartbeat. If there was something that I could go back in time and change I would. However, I have never and will never regret having Denton for those eleven weeks on earth. I will always feel that having Denton with us was the most precious eleven weeks of my life. Obviously, we don’t see the beautiful tapestry that god is creating for us in heaven, and we will never fully understand why horrible tragedies happen on earth. We only see the backside of the picture and become confused by the things that we don’t have answers to. Don’t think that as I write this I have figured out the “whys”, I am still searching……But I have to believe that God is in control. I question God on a daily basis. I am still very angry that God let Denton die, but I am beginning to accept the fact that God sees the bigger picture. I am reminded of the Helen Keller quote…..

“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.”

Through my grief I have found that I have several choices. I can choose not to live, either literally or emotionally. Neither of which is an option….because of my precious Avery. I also have to make it for Denton. Option number three is to find some sort of happiness or satisfaction in each day. For a while, I wanted everybody to know how miserable I was, but I found that it didn’t really affect anyone but me….I think it is important to share honestly, because it could help someone else going through the same/similar situation.

Grace….

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

God willingly sent his son to die for our sins, so that we would have everlasting life. For that I am very thankful. I did not willingly give up my son, even if it was for my own good, and that fact has drastically changed my beliefs and reality. I thought that if I was good enough, worked hard, and was nice to people that good things would happen to me……Apparently I was wrong. That former belief allowed me to remain in control of my life.

I know for a fact that I did not do anything horrible enough for God to take Denton away for punishment. God does not work that way even if I had been a horrible person.

I am thankful that I don’t have to go the rest of my life thinking that I can control things…..that is a weight lifted off my shoulders……….

Grace is freely given….I don’t fully understand it, but I do know that it is something that you can’t earn.

God sent Denton to us for reasons that we may only know when we get to heaven and see him again.

I miss Denton every day. I will and have missed out on the joy that his life would have brought to ours. I have to deal with that loss everyday for the rest of mine…..But, I know that I can’t miss out on the other joys that are available on earth. I can still love Denton and celebrate his life, because of God’s grace.